Airline Passenger Etiquette

Riding as a passenger on an airplane may seem like a fairly straight-forward activity, but after sitting next to my seat buddy for 8 hours, I've come to the conclusion that there is a very important code of behavior for plane travel.

1.) When people have their headphones on and are watching a movie, they probably don't want to talk to you.

2.) Chewing gum on an airplane is no different than chewing gum in any other public place. People CAN hear you when you chew with your mouth open. "Smack, smack, squish, smack, pop." The only oral noises I want to hear from you are words, but only when you are not violating rule number 1.

3.) If the airline meal has given you a particularly heavy case of gas, excuse yourself and make use of the lavatories. Yes, I CAN hear that as well, and we won't even talk about the smells.

4.) It is a simple courtesy to close your window shade when the sun is shining on someone's video screen.

5.) It is better to gently wake someone and excuse yourself to sneak past their seat than to awake them by straddling their lap and passing gas.

There are more rules that we may add to the list as the trip continues, but these are the ones that applied to last night's flight. I'd also like to mention that Lufthansa should really invest in some quality noise-canceling headphones for their business class seats if they are going to make it virtually impossible to use your own headphones with the inflight entertainment system. That would have made the smacking and farting slightly more tolerable.

Airline meal: Mixed greens with hearts of palm and potato salad, Spinach stuffed gnocchi with roasted cremini mushrooms and vegetable cream sauce, Manchego and roquefort cheese with raisins and dates, tres leches cake with fresh berries, topped off with a nice glass of port.